Wednesday, March 21, 2012

As the Coats Come Off

A three month long winter hibernation finally get’s over. Marked by a weekend long spell of back to back washing of everything from clothes and undies to winter woolens to bed spreads to shoes, my washing machine is on the verge of disowning me. The degree of messiness of my room has started to die down and reveal forgotten packs of cigarettes igniting the little joys of life soon to fade away in a smokey exasperation.

The worst part of oncoming summers is that you can’t hide behind layers of clothing anymore. Especially the layers of some really awesome looking long coats. Coats that create an illusion of some abstract shape your body is comfortably tucked in without worrying about those unwanted curves popping out from here and there. The moment they come off you suddenly realize you have gained a gazillion kilos since the last time you strutted around in a white tee some time last year. Flab can be camouflaged. You get custom tailored pants and denims with a 50’s waistline that goes right over your navel. And you wear a belt so tight that if you sneeze it might just tear into your flesh. If only they sold girdles in Sarojini Nagar. Or maybe they do… (Note to self: Wear ginormous shades and a hat next time to prevent being recognized in case you do find girdles)

So I embark upon a self rejuvenation process. Just yesterday I spent almost a grand on a variety of cosmetics [Himalaya, of course- The Sanskrit ingredients on the back provides the least bit of a denial that they are no bureaucratic cosmetic chemicals burning your already suicidal skin {And that’s the second time I used the word “Bureaucratic” (Pats self on back)}] Walnut scrub, ‘Oil-Balancing’ Face wash, Mud Pack and Cucumber peel off amongst other stuff. But to compensate all the ayurveda, I finally decided to renounce Medimix soap and got myself a Shower Gel. Come on let’s face it, a foamy loofa is like the cutest thing evah.

Now the next thing on the list to tackle the austerities of winter is discovering a good place where I can work out with aerobics or pilates or both. I can’t do a gym. Lord knows I tried. All those weights with the muscle-boy trainers (hot) grunting at you (hot) to do 54678th set was super depressing. Even all the jaat boys in the world couldn’t get me to stretch anymore. And Lord knows I can ‘stretch’. All a girl really wants is to wear tights and dance and twist and bend. Or at least that’s what I seriously hope Aerobics would be all about.

Also, at some point this year, I plan to muster all the courage in my life and get my very first waxing done. MmmHmm. Don’t ask.

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